Lack of Judgment

Not long after we moved to the Cabin and before Suzie came into my life I had a dog named Dusty. Dusty was beautiful, all white, one blue eye and one brown. She was wolf-shepherd mix and a very intelligent animal. She also as most animals do, could sense if a person was someone to be leery of.

When we first moved to the mountains, my husband at the time had stressed he did not want ANYONE to know the cabin was there. He didn’t want anyone we didn’t know to know we were living there nor where the cabin was actually located.

That was fine with me, especially since we had no phone or way to contact the ‘outside’ world should an intruder show up. I never really worried much about it since we had Dusty and she was a great watch dog.

One afternoon my husband showed up with a ‘stranger’. He was the son of a man who lived up the road. You know how sometimes you instantly get a feeling of mistrust when you meet some people? There is really no reason other than it’s a feeling inside your gut something is just not right and this person could be a danger in some way or another. That was my reaction to this guy.

And when Dusty became agitated and continued to growl at this person, the red flag went up higher. Of all the people he could have broken his own rule to bring down, he chose this guy!

The father of this guy was an old timer in Omo Ranch. So I guess my husband figured it was safe to bring him down. For the life of me I cannot figure out why he didn’t get the same sense of creepiness from this guy. But then I guess when you are using drugs your sense of creepiness get numbed. Or I should say your lack of good judgment comes out.

Anyway, my husband brought him into the cabin to show him the place. Dusty staying by my side the whole time, quietly growing letting her opinion of this man be known.

We sat at the table and were talking, actually they were talking I was sitting there with a  very uneasy feeling and Dusty laying at my feet under the table continuing to growl was not lessening this uneasiness.

This guy was telling us how he had served in Vietnam and went into detail about killing and being so adept at sneaking up on someone before they knew what hit them. He kept going on and on about how he could blend into the woods and watch people and they would never even know he was there.

Flaming RED flags began going up in my mind!!  

The whole time he is talking about this stuff he keeps looking over at me, talk about that creepy feeling, I had it big time. And it got worse.

He proceeded to go and on to my husband about how someone could come down here and attack his wife and no one would hear the screams. How easy the cabin would be to break into and how no one would ever know what was happening until it was too late.

All I could think about was, of all the people he decided to allow to know where the cabin was, and to inform him of personal things like the kids and I being there alone at times, he chose this psychotic and frightening man!
It was bad enough Dusty and I had the warnings inside about this guy to begin with, but to listen to the things this guy was saying, and saying it so nonchalantly on top of it.

The  most menacing thing was he kept saying over and over again how someone could sneak down here and attack ME and no one would hear the screams, and then threw in a couple more times his ability to remain undetected until it was too late.

After he finally left I ask my then husband, “What the hell where you thinking bring this whacko down to the cabin? You were the one who said you didn’t want anyone down here and you bring someone like that here?” All he could say was “don’t worry about it, he will be leaving soon, he’s just visiting his dad. I don’t think he would try anything and I don’t believe he could get down here without us knowing.” Yeah right, that eased my mind.. NOT!

The first thing I did was of course pray for the Lord’s protection over the kids and I. Thanked the Lord for Dusty as I knew no one could sneak past her.

A day or two later, my husband was getting ready to leave, he was taking the kids up the hill for something, I can’t remember what now. This meant I would be there alone.

I had never been worried about being there alone before that night. I had an uneasy feeling so I prayed for the Lord’s protection again, and that if something was going to happen he would stop my husband from leaving.

Just as he was getting to drive up the road, Dusty started growling and then barking. He stopped and looked back, in his rear view mirror he saw that guys stepping out of the trees.  He came walking out saying, “I told you I could sneak up on you down here. If it wasn’t for that dog you wouldn’t have known I was here.”

Dusty came running to my side.  I silently prayed, “thank you Lord for Dusty and for not allowing this man to show up after they had left.”  

My husband told him he was not welcome and he had better not try a stunt like that again. He also informed him I always had a shotgun when he was gone and knew how to use it. Now that wasn’t exactly true, but the guy didn’t know that! He never showed up again. We found out a week or so later he had gone back to where ever he’d come from.

For awhile I still felt uneasy about being alone at the cabin, but I trusted the Lord to protect us, as HE was at the time the only real guardian I could count on. And He had blessed us with Dusty I believe for that reason.

Unfortunately it wasn’t the only time my then husband used a lack of judgment and put no only myself but the kids inadvertently in danger. Thank the Lord HE never leaves us nor forsakes us and is our very present help in time of need!!

Good Times

It’s been awhile since I have written anything on this site. I have been trying to decide what I wanted to put here. I was trying to remember some good times we had at the cabin but for some reason I am having a hard time remember very many.
I remember some funny things to which I wish I had pictures for. But then Jason wouldn’t appreciate that much. I use to bath the kids in a round water trough. We would heat the water on the wood stove and pour it in to trough. I have this picture in my mind of Jason sitting there with his knees up around his chin taking a bath. I at one time had a picture, but unfortunately it has been lost, lucky for Jason!
Then there was the time one winter when the boys made a sled and wanted to sled down the hill behind the cabin. The only problem was they did not take into consideration at the end of the hill was a drop off of about 4-5'. Once they hit the end of the slope they dropped straight down. That kind of spoiled the sledding fun for the day. Boys will be boys!
All three of the boys enjoyed finding critters, salamanders or waterdogs as they called em. There was always something to explore for them. Unfortunately for Sarah it wasn't much fun, having to use an outhouse, no bathtub, no running water all the things little girls need to be comfortable. She did have a good friend up the hill, the same family that took us in when we walked out after being snowed in. They still keep in touch having found each other on the net.
When we first moved to the cabin I use to read the Little House on the Prairie books, the similarities of our life at the cabin and the way life was lived in the books was scary. I use to wash clothes down at the creek on rocks, and believe it or not they got clean, although scrubbing on rocks has a tendency to wear clothes out faster.
I bought and read over and over a book on wildlife in the mountains. The kids and I use to try to figure out what left what tracks. We discovered bear, mountain lions, skunks (not my favorite, cute but smelly), opossums, racoons, quail, snakes, lizards and so on.
There were many times when I would walk up the hill and hear something following me just up the hill in the trees. I could never get a good look at it, but decided it was probably a mountain lion. I had read they will out of curiosity follow at a distance and were usually not dangerous unless threatened. So I just accepted the fact I was in it's territory and as long as I didn't bother it, it wouldn't bother me or the kids. And it never did. It was pretty cool though knowing I had somewhat of a companion when walking.
Of all the things I miss its the beauty of nature we experienced every day. Each season was filled with a different visual blessing from above. Winter was the pure cleaness of the falling snow, Spring was the gorgeous blossoms on the apple trees, pink and white; the changing colors of Fall, yellow, brown, and faded green.
At times it was a harsh way to live, but the beauty and the wildlife made it all worth it.

In Memory of Suzie

This picture reminded me of Suzie, so I felt it appropriate to place it on this site. I miss her so much, and even though she was merely an animal, as some would say, she was my soulmate and friend. She would be would be over 20 years old now.

Snowed In

After living at the Cabin for a couple of years we were able to get a generator. With the freezer full of food and "electricity" I thought it would be awesome to get snowed in. I pictured being all snug in the cabin watching the snow fall. Reading stories and playing games, and even watching movies now that we had a generator. No one to bother us, the cousins wouldn't be able to get down the road it would be almost heaven. Unfortunately what I pictured and what I got were two totally different things.
My husband decided to offer his drug buddy a place to stay for awhile. He was going through a breakup and needed some place to stay. It was bad enough having to deal with one crankster, but now there were two. And both liked to use meth as well as drink.
I believe I said before the cabin had been there over 40 years.
I am sure in those 40 years there had been worse storms than the one we experienced. So the cabin was pretty sturdy. In all those years no one had actually lived there during winter so it was pretty obvious it could hold quite a lot of snow on the roof with no problem.
This buddy of my husband, who we will call Joe (not his real name) was one of those very paranoid cranksters. When the "blizzard" hit he started freaking out, first it was trying to keep the road open, they drove off and on all night up and down pulling a railroad tie behind the truck to keep the snow from getting too deep. They waited too long on the last trip and within a couple of hours it was too deep to get through. The snow began to pile up.
It was at least five feet deep, the roof was covered and we could barely see out the windows from the blowing snow. We had the woodstove going of course so every so often you could hear chunks of snow falling of the roof.
Joe started pacing saying "what if the roof caves in, that's a lot of snow." He kept going on and on. My husband told him to stop worrying about it, the cabin had been there for years and it hadn't caved in yet from the snow. Of course being paranoid all he could do is say just because it didn't before doesn't mean it wouldn't now.
The man was really beginning to get on my nerves! Not to mention the two of them being cranked up neither could shut their mouths. They would ramble on and on about absolutely NOTHING!
The second day of the storm brought more snow. So of course that night we had the same paranoia only this night he added a twist.
I was watching "Lethal Weapon" for the first time. Enjoying our generator and having the ability to watch a movie again. Just as it was getting to the good part we could faintly hear Suzie bark, she was quite a ways from the cabin past the creek from the sounds of it.
"That's a little weird", I said, "she never barks, must be something out there."
BIG MISTAKE to say this considering this guys was such a tweeker. Next thing you know he is insisting we put out the lights, shut the generator off so we can see if someone is out there and so no one will know we are home.
I just looked at him with such disbelief anyone could be that stupid. Here we are down in a canyon, five feet or more of snow on the ground, the only way in is the road which is also covered with several feet of snow, not even a 4-wheeler could make it down that road, and this guy thinks there is someone out there!
He kept insisting someone was out there after him. I simply told him "Hey I am watching a movie here and we are NOT shutting the generator off because you are tweeking." This guy was freaking out!!! My husband told him "Man if someone wants you THAT bad you need to get the hell out of here because there is no way for anyone to get down here."
Joe finally let it go, but still continued to pace around the house. This was my final straw.
The next morning they were out trying to dig out this old snowmobile. They figured they could get it running and make it up to the road to get help. I had decided I could not take anymore. Because Matt and Chris were so little and the snow was so deep there was no way I was going to be able to carry them two miles in the snow up the hill. So Sarah, Jason and I headed up the hill. I figured we could make it to the neighbors and see if we could get someone to plow open the road.
Now call it ignorance if you must, but I really thought it wouldn't be THAT hard to walk out of there.
The snow was well past my knees, making it a bit difficult to break a trail. I didn't figure on the kids getting tired and cold so quickly and guess I hadn't really realized just how far it was to go in the snow.
We had made it half way up and the kids were wore out. I was wore out and we still had a long ways to go. I will never forget... Sarah threw herself on the ground and said, "I am not going any farther, I can't, I am not getting up." We had two choices. Head back down to the cabin...To me not an option...Or continue up the hill.
So I told her, "Sarah I cannot carry you, if you want to go back to the cabin fine, but it's the same distance back down as it is to go the rest of the way up. So either get up and start walking or you are going to freeze to death right here."
We continued on our journey. I don't even know how many hours it took us to finally get up the hill and to our friends house, I know we were near frozen when we got to her door. She brought us into her home, sat us by the woodstove and gave us hot chocolate. I told her we were snowed in and the boys were still down there with their dad. Her husband got on the phone with the man who owned the tree farm and explained the boys were still down there and the road was closed. I spent the night worrying about Matt and Chris but all I could do was pray they were ok. That next morning their dad showed up. He had walked the boys out. He left them with me and headed back down, they were still trying to get the snowmobile running...
That morning the gentleman who owned the tree farm took his plow down the road and opened it up for us.
So much for my desire to be snowed in!

More Danger from Men than Wild Animals

The only time I ever really worried about the kids when we lived at the cabin was when other people where around. Namely my ex-husband's cousins. One was just a drunk, the other was missing a few marbles and the third was the one I mentioned previously, the crankster.
These guys would show up in the middle of night, bang on the door or drive right around the house. They would stay for days of course never brining enough food, cigarettes or gas to get home on.
One day the crankster was there with his guns out showing off for a new girlfriend. Because he was a tweeker as we like to call those who use meth, he was also paranoid. (meth does that to those who use it any length of time.)
This was in the time frame before Susie actually ate out of our hands, and during the time Jason was always trying to sneak up on her.
One afternoon Tweeker thought he heard something in the trees and saw a "man" supposedly behind those trees, and without even thinking was getting ready to fire his shotgun into the trees. I came running out of the cabin. "What the hell are you doing? Where are my kids at?" I yelled at him. He started telling me he saw someone in the trees, I asked him if he even thought about the fact I have four kids roaming around outside. Which of course he had not. I knew Jason had a tendency to sneak around up where Susie slept without his shoes on trying to catch her. I yelled for him and he was standing directly where Tweeker was going to shoot. He came walking out of the trees, and he was not happy because he was close to touching Suzie.
Had I not come running out of the house and asked where my kids where the idiot would have shot Jason. He apologized which meant absolutely nothing, since this kind of stupidity was common with him.
There were so many instances similar to this living there. And it was only when these guys were around that I worried about the kids. We had mountain lions, bears, snakes and other critters, yet I never really worried about the safety of the kids when it came to the wildlife, it was a totally different kind of "wildlife animals" I had to be concerned with. Those of the human kind.

One Of Many Miracles

Not too long after we had decided to move from the Cabin, my husband and his cousin got into a fight. Both were on meth at the time, which was usually the case. Anyway to make along story a little shorter, the cousin had hit him in the head with an exhaust manifold. The kid’s dad came into the house to grab an old gun, and ran back down by the creek.
I tried to stop him and when I realized I couldn’t I kept the kids in the house and just started praying for the Lord to do something.
I heard the gun go off, my heart stopped! The kid’s dad came back up to the house and said he fired the gun out the truck window next to his cousin’s head. Not to kill him but to scare him. His cousin of course took off up the hill.
The next morning, very early we hear, “come out with your hands up, this is the police you are surrounded.” Talk about a scary way to wake up.
The kid’s dad stepped out the door and we heard the sound of guns being readied. He started yelling we have kids in the house. He was told to walk out the door with his hands up and lay on the ground which he did.
His cousin had run up the road to call the police saying he had been shot in the head, quite a miracle I would say since he was walking around with no wound.
My husband was carted off to jail. He called his mom and she drove up from Sacrament to get the kids and I. Sarah was at the time living with my mom, having become a teenage girl could not handle living the way we were. Jason must have been staying at his grandparents or his Aunt’s for the week. For some reason I cannot remember why he was not with us.
Anyway it was Matthew, Christopher and I.
My mother-in-law drove us back up to the cabin so I could get our things and our car as we were going to be staying with her for awhile. She dropped us off at the top of the hill because the road was in bad shape and she had a new car.
As we got closer to the cabin I could hear glass breaking and a gun being fired. It wasn’t right by the cabin so I made the boys stay put and walked down to the house. There was broken glass every where from the windows of two of our cars. Apparently the cousin decided to ‘get even’ and shot out all the windows, except the one I was going to be driving. Thank the Lord for that, at least that’s what I thought at the time.
It seemed safe since he had done all he could really do by the house and sounded like he was down by the creek. We made sure the bag of dog food was out for Suzie not knowing when I would be coming back up, got the clothes and stuff in the car and started to head up the hill.
When I reached the first part of the road, the cousin came running out of the bushes in front of the car. He walked over to the driver’s window and told me he wasn’t mad at me and wouldn’t hurt me or the boys. I told him I was going up the hill and I would be calling the police. He reached in and grabbed the steering wheel. He was trying to stop me from leaving, I don’t know if it was the overwhelming hate I had for this man he saw in my eyes, or an angel beside me. I said to him, “Let go of this steering wheel right now!” He got this look on his face and let go. I hit the gas and headed up the hill in the little Volkswagen I was in.
We were about half way up the hill when all the sudden I had no control of the car, the steering had gone out. I tried the brakes but didn’t stop. I think now it was the clutch I was stomping on and not the brakes. The car kept going up the hill.
Now the road going up was only big enough for one car, curvy and if you went over the side you would find yourself going a few hundred feet down the into a canyon.
I use to wonder if I was to find myself in a situation like this if I would react like you see in the movies, saying “oh shit” or if I would call on the Lord for help. Where exactly would my mind be at the time, on the Lord or in fear. Of course I had no desire to find out.
That day I found out!
When I realized I had no control over the car, and we headed over the edge, the only thing I could say was, “Jesus please stop this car.” The moment I said it we hit something. At the time I had no idea what. All I knew was we had stopped unexpectedly and forcefully.
I hit the steering wheel with my face which felt like it had exploded. Matthew hit the dashboard and landed on the floor, Christopher was in the backseat and hit the back of my seat which was not padded and landed on the floor.
I grabbed Matthew and he seemed to be ok, not a mark on him. I turned to grab Chris, he also was ok, no marks. I looked in the mirror just knowing my face had to be bleeding as it sure felt like it was, again, not a mark. When we got out of the car my leg was hurting I looked down and saw an actual hole in the top part of my left calf. To this day the only thing I can figure is the turn signal handle, which was skinny and long punctured my leg when we hit.
I composed myself, thanking the Lord for stopping us, still I was not sure what stopped us, as I could see nothing in front of the car.
We walked up the hill. I couldn’t go any farther once we got to the road so Matthew ran across the road to the neighbors and asked them to call 911. I had never met these neighbors since they had just recently bought the house. The husband came running over to see if I was ok. They called the police and an ambulance, deciding I needed to see a doctor.
The police and various residents showed up. I told the police about this cousin down there shooting out windows, explaining he was on meth and tried to stop me from leaving. It was beginning to get dark and the ambulance was taking forever, so the neighbor decided to take me to the hospital and his wife graciously said she would watch the boys.
I don’t remember a whole lot of the ride there, I know I talked a lot, probably out of shock and nervousness.
We got to the hospital. One of the officers showed up as they were examining me. He told me it was a miracle we were still alive. They had walked down to where the car was stopped. He told me it was a tree stump that stopped the car, had it not been there we would have gone all the way to the bottom, he also said the stump was just big enough to stop the car and had it been any taller or wider it would have pushed the whole front end of the car into us and we would have been seriously hurt.
I guess the Officer didn’t know what else to say after that. He was standing there talking to me while the doctor was checking the hole in my leg. The doctor needed to see how deep the hole was so he stuck this very LONG Q-tip thing into the hole. This officer asked, “ Does that hurt?”
The doctor and I just looked at him in disbelief and the doctor said, “What do you think, I am sticking this into an open wound of course it hurts.” I had a few stitches and was released.
I am still amazed to this day the boys had no marks whatsoever on them. They should have at least had bruises. I can still almost feel hitting the steering wheel with my face years later and again am amazed I had no marks.
At least at that point I no longer had to wonder what my first response would be, I did what I always hoped I would, called on the Lord in my time of need and He heard me and was merciful.

Note: The police where going to go down to the cabin to have a talk with the cousin, but found the gate had been locked. Because it was dark they were not willing to take a chance on what they would be walking into since there were guns involved.

The Fire

As I mentioned previously, living at the Cabin meant I had to completely trust the Lord to take care of us. He did in many ways and on several occasions I do believe we would not have survived had it not been for his protection and grace.
It was going into the end of winter, the fire was going in the woodstove, we would usually stoke it heavy before going to bed so we wouldn't get up to a freezing home in the morning.
Because the Cabin was over 40 years old, there was, at least in my mind, a potential of fire, since the flume pipe hadn't been replaced in who knows how long. I didn't believe with all the snow in winter it would be a concern though.
As usual that day I had brought in the usual 20 gallons of water from the spring. Because it was winter the natural spring was running up the hill and with the help of gravity we were able to run a hose down from the spring to the cabin in winter. Which was nice for me as it meant I could just take the bottles out back to fill them up. Instead of walking all the way down to the creek.
I don't remember what time it was, only that it was in the middle of the night. I woke up to the sound of crackling wood. At first I just figured it was the wood in the stove and started to doze off again. I kept hearing "get up and check". I laid there and had this little conversation with myself, "it's just the wood crackling", "no, get up and check", after a couple of minutes I gave in to the voice in my head. I walked into the other room, listening still hearing the noise only it was a little louder than usual. Something told me to look up at the ceiling.
I glanced up not really expecting to see anything.
What I saw were red embers at the crossbeam where the flume connected at the cabin. I woke everyone up and started throwing water from the bottles on it. Thank God I had water in the house, I had debated on whether or not to bring it in that evening because it was so cold outside.
My husband at the time went out grabbed the hose and a ladder and began putting water on the outside. We got it out, and had I not gotten up when I did it might have been too much for us to extinguish.
Had this fire happened in the summer we would have been in trouble. Being so far away from neighbors, not having a phone and the gate being locked at night even if the fire department could have gotten down, it would have been too late. The water in the house would not have been enough to put it out, had it not been for the hose running. God only knows what would have happened.
By the Grace of God, and I believe the Holy Spirit telling me to get up there was not too much damage and we were ok.
It was always a fear it would happen again every time we used the stove. We did replace the pipes but the fear was still hanging in my thoughts. I did learn to turn that fear over to the Lord and He continued to protect us until we were finally able to move.